Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
