How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
