Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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