from now on my penis is your penis
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
