I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.