Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.