1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.