yea but for you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
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Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen