you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.