You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!