My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.