you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
