It's Friday. Sex?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
