i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
