Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
