Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
