Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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