I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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