It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
