I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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