i think my mom watched the whole time
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
