You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
