I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
