They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
