I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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