Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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