i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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