I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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