Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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