You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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