i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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