his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
