Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
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You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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