i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
