allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
pray to the hookup gods
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
