i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
