Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
