I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
