I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
