I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You pole danced in your parka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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