Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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