so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
