Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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