upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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