better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
