it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
