he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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