life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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