Who did Billy Mays play for?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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