So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
