and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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