I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
