I just cut my nipple shaving
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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