It was confusing and full of hummus
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
