her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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