weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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