I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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