I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
