What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize