Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
