She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
