2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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