Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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