So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
