They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
