I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
