Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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