i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
